When time lost its shapes

As I sat there doing nothing, a sudden thought came to my mind: What did I do during the lockdown days? Were they as uneventful as now, or did something different happen? And if there was a difference, has it really changed anything so far?

If anyone were to ask whether I miss the lockdown days, most of us would probably answer that we miss the days before lockdown. The sudden change the world went through is still hard to accept, as the once slow-paced world transformed into something resembling the world inside Fahrenheit 451. It’s deeply unsettling.

I remember myself last in the year 2019, when I joined my first year of college. After that, time just seemed to blur, and now, when I look around, everything feels unfamiliar like the colours have been pushed back into a grey day. I’m not saying there were no bright, colourful moments; there were. But they felt like fleeting sparks swallowed by an ocean of grey.

This grey slowly began foreshadowing the days I spent feeling low and withdrawn. Instead of doing something different or meaningful, an unsettling heaviness kept pulling me down. Sometimes I imagine living in a small cottage surrounded by nature green everywhere with a stream flowing nearby and a small community of people living simple lives on a mountaintop. No one staring at the latest piece of technology, but instead spending time talking to each other. I often travel to this place in my dreams, though I don’t know if it truly exists.

I used to think daydreaming was a bad habit, but sometimes it’s the only place I feel comfort, my quiet refuge each night before being pushed back into reality the next day.

And now, as I sit on a chair staring out the window, I realise it’s not the world that’s the problem; it’s my mind, still refusing to see myself as an adult member of society. Is it just me, or are there many others who feel the same that the time before was beautiful, but now everything feels dull? The hectic schedules and monotonous days weigh down the soul, yet there remains a small hope for something new to look forward to.